An Opulently Offensive View of the World

"Accept loss forever."-Jack Kerouac


Hoppin’ Down the Bunny Trail

A conversation with an Easter Bunny.

My Easter Bunny.

My Easter Bunny.

Today I have the great fortune of sitting down with one of the most iconic fictional figures…the Easter Bunny.

Good morning. Should I call you Peter? Mr. Cottontail?

Actually my name is Bud. The whole “Easter Bunny” thing is like the Dread Pirate Roberts, a name recognition thing. I am more like a shopping mall Santa combined with the UPS man.

So you are saying there are more than one Easter Bunny?

Hell yeah, man. There are more than one of us working in this city. How do you think all those eggs get hidden? Magic? I’m a rabbit not David Copperfield.

Are you unionized like the elves?

Nah. We are more like a fraternal order. You know, like the Elks or the Lions, except we are actual rabbits.

The Fraternal Order of Rabbits?

Exactly. We serve the community.

With dyed, boiled eggs? Why do rabbits bring eggs anyway?

I don’t know. Something about spring and new life, so an egg. It’s a pagan thing.

Wouldn’t a raw egg be more appropriate to represent new life?

Hey man, I don’t make the rules, I just work here. And besides, giving away multicolored packets of salmonella is not good PR.

Then how did the rabbit get involved in Easter?

New life? Rabbits? Who is better at making new life than a rabbit? I have forty kids and the wife is about to drop another litter. Hell, if it wasn’t Easter I would probably be getting a head start on the next. I’m a rabbit, man.
Oh, and its a pagan thing.

Even the Easter Bunny likes chocolate.

Even the Easter Bunny likes chocolate.

The big question…

I know, I know. Do I lay eggs? No. Nor do I crap jelly beans. The only thing that comes out back there may look like chocolate, but I wouldn’t want to eat it. May be some nuts in there though. Oh, and I do not cluck like a chicken. That’s Ralph. He will do anything for a buck. But with damn near a hundred kids, how can you blame him.

So you give away chocolate? How do you feel about kids eating chocolate rabbits?

It’s chocolate, man. One of my relatives way back in the day posed for that. So every time you bite the head off a chocolate bunny, you bite the head off my kin. Ironically that same relative had an unfortunate accident with a lawnmower.



I am sorry to here that.

Ah. We all have to go sometime. It ain’t easy being the Easter Bunny. People only like you once a year. Then the rest of the time it’s this….rabbit2

Happy Easter!


Happy Easter!


Dragon of Gold

Gold held at Houston Museum of Natural Science

Gold held at Houston Museum of Natural Science


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